Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is a teddy bear brought to life by his best friend John’s (Mark Wahlberg) magical wish, cast some 30-odd years ago.
Now grown up, Ted and his human wife Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) want to have a baby, but the adoption agency can’t help them as Ted is not legally a person.
Ted and John hire Samantha (Amanda Seyfried), a lawyer needing her first case, to prove to the courts that Ted the living teddy bear is a real person and entitled to the rights of a human being.
We say, “MacFarlane is a culture cancer.”
TAYLOR: Ted the crude, pot-smoking perpetual teenage bear is back and I couldn’t possibly care less.
Ted 2, the brilliantly-titled sequel to the mind-numbingly base original has everything the first did, only the barbs have been updated so that 14 year olds will get the reference.
Nobody is going to appreciate about 30 per cent of the jokes in this movie in 20 years. In fact, place this film and most work by Seth MacFarlane in a time capsule and in 100 years, future teenagers will marvel at how we thought being ignorant, violent and cruel was so funny. Or perhaps, just don’t open it.
HOWE: This Ted really is a number two. The original was vulgar, coarse and disrespectful, so I wasn’t expecting anything different this time around. I was wrong. Yes, it still has the same attributes as the first, but they seemed to have calmed it down a notch or two, maybe to pull in a younger audience. But it is still as bad as ever.
I might have smiled once, maybe twice, out of a nearly two-hour movie, and that’s not a good return. There are stars that have small cameos in it and for the life of me, I don’t understand why they would let themselves degrade their talent by being associated with this tripe. Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman, I thought you were both better than this.
TAYLOR: Well, it didn’t make me laugh, but it made the teenage boys present snicker.
If you like Family Guy, go see Ted 2. It will be very comfortable for you. You’ll only yawn a few times.
Those who want to go to Ted 2 are likely not reading a review of it in the paper. You, the person actually reading this review (thank you) wouldn’t want to see Ted 2. There may be exceptions, but I’d put money on our efforts in ink today being as wasted as MacFarlane’s efforts in celluloid. The healthiest and most appropriate thing any human being could do is ignore Ted 2 and MacFarlane’s brand in general.
–Taylor gives Ted 2 1 “Hey, remember that time?” out of 5.
– Howe gives it 1 sample pot out of 5.
– Brian Taylor and Peter Howe are film reviewers based in Vernon. Their column Reel Reviews appears in The Morning Star Friday and Sunday.
