By Drake Smith, MSW,
Q. Why do so many people choose “no service by request”?
A. Like so many traditions, formal funeral services (e.g. in a church or chapel, with the minister, pall bearers, hearse, etc.) are becoming more rare. These days almost all British Columbians are cremated when they die. Often times, the ashes end up in the closet or are scattered in the river somewhere. When there’s “no body”, there tends to be “no service”. The decline in church attendance and membership in service clubs also probably ties in with the growth in “no service by request.” We spend more time on the internet than with other human beings, it seems!
Many funeral directors bristle at the thought of “no service”; they claim that funerals are essential to help with your grief. “You can pay the undertaker now or pay the psychiatrist later” they argue. In most cases I don’t buy that argument. There is little or no scientific evidence to support the notion that funerals help with the grief process.
So, let’s say Murray made the big declaration a few years ago – probably around the kitchen table – that he “Didn’t want any fuss, just cremate me and that’s it!” But what if you want a gathering of friends and family to say goodbye to Murray and for some support? I would encourage you to do that, even if it’s in the back yard or at a restaurant. I’ll bet Murray wouldn’t mind that…he just didn’t want all the fuss (and perhaps expense) of a big funeral.
The problem is, once Murray’s gone we can’t ask him about a backyard barbecue or many other options! So, while everyone’s healthy, I’d advise you to have a good conversation with your local funeral director. Leave your cheque book at home; there should be no pressure to pre-pay. Bring some family and friends along. They’re an important part of this conversation because pre-planning spares them a lot of stress after you’re gone. I’ll bet you and your family come away thinking that was time well spent…perhaps even feeling “peace of mind.”
Drake Smith, MSW, is the Owner and Funeral Director of North Thompson Funeral & Drake Cremation Services. With locations in downtown Kamloops (phone 250-377-8225), Clearwater (phone 250-674-3030), and Barriere (MaryAnn Shewchuk, Manager, phone 250-672-1999), his dedicated team has served people in the Kamloops area and the entire North Thompson Valley since 2005.
