Q: I am looking for some help with my six-year-old daughter. We put her to bed at around eight o’clock every night and she doesn’t go to sleep for at least an hour, and sometimes two. In between, she gets up and says she needs water or food, or she says she is worried about something and wants to talk.
We have tried talking to her, laying down with her, and many other things that haven’t helped. She isn’t getting enough sleep and we are getting pretty frustrated. Do you have any ideas?
A: Getting to sleep is something that many of us take for granted, and indeed, look forward to at the end of a busy day. When you think about it, though, going from a wakeful and alert state to a relaxed body and mind is a fairly complex task. It sounds like your daughter is having trouble making the transition (and you are finding yourself with very little evening to enjoy).
The first thing to do is take a look at your daughter’s activities in the hour before bedtime. Not only is a bedtime routine important in helping a child wind down, but so is the nature of the activities that are included in the routine.
In general, nothing that revs up the body or the mind should be done before bed. While each child is different, activities like video games, movies, and physical play can all be too stimulating for a child who needs to relax before going to sleep. Likewise, this is not a time to talk about problems or the exciting plans you have for tomorrow. You may want to consider adding a stress-relieving activity into her routine, such as children’s relaxation exercises or stories.
Once you are certain that you have created a relaxing bedtime routine, consider any worries or fears that your daughter may be experiencing. Do what you can to take care of these during the day, and then, if you think they are interfering in her ability to get to sleep, make a plan for reducing their impact on her at bedtime.
If she is afraid of the dark, put a nightlight in her room. If she worries about things, try recording her favourite stories and letting her play these for herself as she drifts off to sleep. If she is having difficulty being separated from you at bedtime, try giving her your blanket or housecoat to sleep with.
Once you have taken care of all these things, then it is time to gently and firmly let your daughter know that you expect her to get herself to sleep. Moreover, tell her you are absolutely certain that she is able to do this. If a child is worried about not being able to get to sleep, and she senses that her parent is also worried, then the problem gets bigger.
You may need to adjust the bedtime routine to get it right for your daughter, and you will most certainly need to insist that she follow it, but the prize for success is a better sleep for your daughter and longer evenings for you!
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