As I reflect on the concepts of grace that I have defined as a template for my later years, the first key that exemplifies grace for me is generosity of spirit.
Perhaps this is really the beginning of finding a new rhythm in which to practice living an extraordinary life in an ordinary way, especially as the transitions of aging present themselves for our learning.
Generosity of spirit is a movement of the heart and allows one to let go of seeking fulfillment by outside means and simply take time to listen to the subtle beat of your heart’s own gentle song.
Connecting with gratitude provides a symphony to soothe your mind into the right space to encourage you to be able to live your life lovingly from the heart. From this place it becomes much easier to generously offer out a gift of sustenance to others with ease and grace.
There is a statement made by Thomas Merton, when he was a novice master at the Abbey of Gethsemani: “We are called as human beings—we are called to give away our hearts. But first we must have our hearts in our own possession.”
He goes on with an explanation of his belief that “we live in a world that dispossesses us of our hearts. We end up living self-alienating lives or divided lives, in which we allow our hearts to be possessed by something other than ourselves.” We can’t give a gift that we don’t possess.
A question you can ask yourself is, “Do I feel rooted in the centre of my own life?” When you are not in that centre, the heart of your own being, you are not being true to yourself and a pattern of sacrifice develops.
You can begin giving with an expectation of something you desire being returned to you, of a need being fulfilled. Sacrifice becomes very wearing and it leads us to wanting to indulge ourselves. Surely, we must be owed something for all the giving we are doing.
People indulge themselves with food, or work, or sex, or alcohol, or drugs, etc. All forms of sacrifice set up a vicious cycle of indulgence/sacrifice. After you have indulged yourself, you typically feel guilty that you have done this and then you go into sacrifice for a while, burn yourself out, and then feel it is okay to indulge yourself again.
To do exactly what you want with a certain level of rebellion or resentment to those you feel in sacrifice to or just against the universe in general. This can certainly be present in many areas of our lives, but for those in the helping professions and for those taking on a caregiving role, it can be a very prevalent pattern that calls for healing. In the journey of helping others, a point sometimes comes when you get completely off your centre.
The extent to where you have moved off of it, will reflect the level of self-destructiveness you will engage with. Quietly, you can connect with your heart and ask what percentage from zero to100 have you moved off your centre and when?
A number will pop into your mind. If you are in the 30 to 80% range, you are in heavy sacrifice, while 80 to 100% reflects a dangerous level of self-destructiveness in sacrifice and indulgence.
Ask yourself what experience initially took you off your centre? What decision did you make?
Think back to when your generosity of spirit started to tarnish and for whatever reason you began to indulge yourself, to do exactly what you want with a certain level of rebellion or resentment to those you felt in sacrifice to. It can become a pattern of behaviour that stifles your genuine ability to feel the reward that giving wholly from your heart brings. Generosity of spirit does not ask the question of what will I get in return, even on the most deeply sub-conscious level.
It trusts in the understanding that the world is abundant and reflects the very word spirit implies. It is a non-attachment to our own smallness in which we become occupied with me-me-me.
You only need sit and look at the sky filled with its myriad of twinkling stars, or see a tree beginning to overflow with magnificent pink blossoms or sit on a beach and look out to the deepness of the ocean as the sun rests its reflection on the water, to know the vastness that is far beyond the littleness of a single human being. If you can take the time to be with these indicators of vastness, the mind gradually stills and the heart is filled with quiet joy.
Sometimes we choose to sacrifice our own wants and needs, our own passions and desires out of a sense of obligation to someone else. We think it is a noble choice, but unfortunately this is often the very decision that leads us sharply off of our centre and into the downhill spiral of the sacrifice/indulgence cycle.
It’s not easy to just stop and be willing to change, so know that in the end it will never serve you to give with expectation or out of a sense of obligation. Return to its root source and be willing to connect truthfully with yourself to find the way out.
Perhaps, you need to begin a freedom march, a campaign to liberate your spirit, so that you can freely give it away. The inner journey can be long, but the rewards are great.
If you would like to explore the five concepts of Grace that support loving life in a deep, fulfilling way as you mature into Elderhood, the workshop Grace Full Aging is an opportunity to do that. I will facilitate this gathering in West Kelowna on Saturday, June 13. Call or email for more details 250-863-9577 marjorie@caresmart.ca
