First impressions of Karen (not her real name) lend one to believe she is a composed and resilient woman. She walks with a confidence that is unmistakable and her handshake is firm, but not bullish. She is tall and slim. Her sunny-blonde hair is coloured at the ends with a splash of neon pink. She beams a heart-warming smile as we meet for the first time; she exudes self assuredness. I wish I could be like her. I envy her natural beauty.
But gradually I realize there are more complex layers to the exterior of this striking 55-year-old. I gain an insight into what we’re hearing increasingly in the media these days. Karen, a retired soldier from the Canadian Forces, is suffering from PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. While she has agreed to participate in this interview we agree that we will stop at any time if talking about her traumatic experiences becomes too stressful.
“I hope that by sharing my story I can help other military personnel or people who work in high stress environments such as members of the police force or paramedics,” she said.
Karen’s condition started a week into her deployment to Afghanistan when a rocket exploded just outside the walls of her camp. In a foreign land, away from the comfort of family and friends, and with no time to feel fear, the experience became a living nightmare for Karen. She had a sole purpose to serve in her role as a traffic technician — to safely transport equipment to and from Kabul, and this left little room for fear or human emotion. To express fear to her superiors was not an option. She was in a place surrounded by constant danger, and she knew she could be killed at any moment, as exploding rockets were an almost daily occurrence.
Karen felt the beginnings of a mental breakdown. With no outlet to share her fear of the daily barrage of gunfire or the fact that someone could throw a bomb at her vehicle, Karen learned to suppress her feelings. She shut down her natural emotions. She began to have nightmares. Waking up in wet sheets from night terrors, she would stifle screams so as not to let on to her counterparts what was invading her mind — the sheer, relentless terror that she would be killed.
When, after seven months her tour ended and she returned to Canada, the numbness developed into something unforeseen — an inability to end the feeling of constantly being targeted. The danger in Karen’s mind prevented her from leaving her house or from watching television. News reports of the war in the Middle East would send Karen into a tailspin. She would relive each fearful moment — the smells, sounds of explosions, eyes of mistrusting locals. It became too much to bear. Coping was an impossibility. Karen developed compulsive habits such as overeating and acts of self mutilation.
Months went by with the compulsions getting worse. While some might seek out self harming behaviours such as drug or alcohol abuse, gorging on sweet foods, self harms and hiding for weeks at a time inside the confines of her house were Karen’s solace.
Eventually Karen was introduced to a clinical trauma professional, Dr. Sandra de Blois, who combines mindfulness and Equine Assisted Therapy (EAT) to help people with PTSD and mood disorders. For many sufferers, EAT is a refreshing alternative to office-based therapy for the use of horses is a natural and relaxing experience.
De Blois utilizes Akhal Teke horses, an ancient breed from Central Asia that dates back 5,000 years. This particular breed of horse is especially sensitive to the emotional needs of a person, making them particularly suited for people suffering from PTSD.
During EAT the client begins to learn to focus on her breath, sounds, thoughts and feelings in an accepting manner. This is what comprises mindfulness — a state of meditation that allows the client to return to their thoughts easily, should their mind stray to any unpleasant thoughts. Brain imagery studies show that mindfulness literally heals the brain through neuro-plasticity. Mindfulness dampens the activity of the amygdala, a part of the brain involved in the fear response. An overactive amygdala leads to hyperarousal, one of the classic symptoms of PTSD.
The mindfulness component of EAT continues while the client performs tasks with the horse, including grooming, round penning and problem solving activities in an arena. Through the sessions the client will develop self acceptance and self compassion. Horses instill hope, establish a connection and allow a person to trust again. The experience of being unconditionally accepted by a horse “disarms” clients and opens a floodgate of grief and emotions that can then be addressed. Horses are prey animals and naturally hyper-alert. They quickly switch to the fight or flight mode when they perceive danger. Clients with PTSD easily relate to this hyper-arousal. Importantly, by teaching a horse that a particular situation or object is not dangerous, clients learn to regulate their own level of arousal.
The Equine Assisted Therapy Institute combines mindfulness and horses in trauma therapy because it produces a powerful positive feedback loop. Hence, an increase in the ability to be mindful leads to an increase in positive interactions with a horse, which in turns leads to an improvement in the ability to stay in the present moment without being reactive or judgmental.
In Karen’s case, eight weeks of therapy at the EAT Institute has helped her make great gains in her personal life. She has found relief in dealing with her past experiences and painful memories of Afghanistan. The self mutilations and food gorging have all but stopped.
“I feel like the old (young) Karen more and more each day,” she said.
De Blois received her Ph.D. from University of Massachusetts at Amherst and counselling certificates from Kelowna College of Professional Counselling. She is a clinical trauma professional and a member of the International Association of Trauma Professionals. For more information, please see www.equine-ati.com
Tamara Norton is a freelance writer based in Lumby.
