When my son was younger and in elementary school he loved his birthday parties. There was one young fellow in particular who always came to my son’s birthday party, and it was the only party he was ever invited to.
We talked about this, and not only inviting him to attend, but making sure he was included in the games, activities and sat with the boys at lunch, actively participating. He genuinely liked him and though they didn’t play together often, this was a good time to demonstrate that. Sometimes all it takes for children to be included is to have one step up and say “want to play?” as a way to befriend and make a child feel welcome. Kids so want to have friends, and sometimes friendship comes easy for some and not so for others.
We discussed kindness a lot. I believe it is important to be kind, and that kindness goes a long way to making us feel good, as both giver and receiver. It helps us to feel connected to our community, families, schools, workplace. Acts of kindness make us feel special and noticed. I used to ask the boys to consider acts of kindness in their days and then tell me about it. Seek out ways to be kind and as their mother I wanted this quality to become a strength.
This week two random acts delighted me. The first was on the main street where I was struggling in the deep dark abyss of my purse to find a quarter or a loonie for the parking meter. A fellow came whistling along, popped a quarter in the meter, and said “Have a nice day.” Thanks to him I did have a nice day, and thank you very much!
The next was in the grocery store, my cart was full, I waited in line for long enough to scan all the magazines, answer some texts and as I got to the second spot realized I forgot something. I made a dash for it, and when I returned my cart had been emptied, the woman in front of me who was shopping with her daughter had emptied my cart so I wouldn’t lose my place. How nice was that? Simple and special.
There is a website for the Random Acts of Kindness foundation with suggestions and places for you to send stories to. They promote community projects as well. The United Way is a kindness organization. They help reduce the burden of raising funds off the shoulders of local organizations so they can focus on providing services. This is a great service to support because your dollar can have a ripple effect of helping many. Sometimes dollars from one can lead to getting dollars from two or three groups and that can be extremely beneficial to organizations who do so many great services in our North Okanagan region.
There are many ways to be kind and for families and individuals to offer simple to huge acts of generosity. It’s not always dollars, sometimes it is having someone for dinner or coffee, or taking the time to really listen to a person’s story. Shovel a sidewalk, cook a meal, do some shopping, look after children, join a club with someone, have a play date, walk home together, sit on the bus beside someone new and make a friend, tutor, read, cut the lawn, weed a garden, give coats, food hampers, be a driver, smile.
There are advertisements now about noticing kindness, acts of goodness instead of looking for the bad acts. “Catch a kid doing something right” was a slogan we had at the Boys and Girls Club years ago that came out of the Search Institute. Works like magic when you acknowledge a child’s positives instead of always the negative. It doesn’t mean you ignore the negative behavior, it just means you validate the positive more so that you will start to see more of it. Works for adults too; remember the One Minute Manager, sandwich feedback between comments of what the employee is doing right.
The people of Sparwood demonstrated bountiful acts of kindness with their intense efforts to find the young Hebert boy. So absolutely terrifying for the family to have a child kidnapped. And the support of friends, neighbours and strangers would provide a warm blanket of kindness. Thank you to the police, the emergency personnel and everyone who stepped up to find the young fellow and see him home safely.
I truly believe that kindness and goodness far outweigh the negative behavior of my fellow humans but it doesn’t capture our attention the way defiant behavior does. There are times when I am amazed at how mean someone can be, or how they can say something so hurtful with no thought to the receiver’s feelings. Practise some self control, I think to myself. Being honest doesn’t have to be hurtful and just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean you need to share it.
Maybe we need commercials to remind us to notice niceness, maybe we don’t, the way I see it being kind is best.
Michele Blais writes about family and other timely topics every other Sunday.
