The Seniors Health Network each month poses a question to health-care professionals. This month, the following hypothetical question was posed to author Joyce Schmalz, a founder of the BC Centre for Elder Advocacy and Support:
“My wife died a couple of months ago and I’m struggling with living alone. We were married for 50 years and it’s so hard to get used to living alone. I’m not sure how to manage?”
We all experience changes during our lifetime – some planned, some not anticipated, some forced on us, some happy, some regretted and some from which we never really recover.
As we age, accepting and adjusting to significant changes in our lives – including adopting new habits, changing where we live and also how we live – is particularly difficult, especially in a time of emotional distress, shock or grief.
So, too, is the realization that we are on our own and that all required and meaningful decisions have become our personal responsibility.
Depending on individual circumstances, there are mandatory legal and financial matters that must be immediately addressed.
To help with this, Seniors Come Share Society has volunteers that can assist with the completion of required forms and can explain the consequences of decisions or choices.
They also have a law clinic where a lawyer provides free half-hour individual consultations to address your questions.
It is imperative that you are well-informed with regards to your legal and financial matters and fully understand the documents you are required to sign and/or agree to. You are the one who will have to live with the consequences.
Having dealt with the mandatory requirements, you should now think about looking after yourself, both mentally and physically. This requires determination, which is something that only you can provide.
Addressing this need often takes time, as you get used to being on your own.
In this time of adjustment, take the opportunity to check out the various support services and programs available in our community:
• Phone Seniors Come Share Society at 604-531-9400 to learn of their services and programs, especially the ‘social’ ones and those for housebound seniors, such as Friendly Visitors and Telephone Tree. Check out their ‘Come Share Around the Table’ community kitchen program.
• Learn more about computers and social media opportunities to connect with family and friends.
• Enquire at your local library for their social programs.
• Participate with the Stamp Club meeting at Seniors Come Share Society.
• Attend the Kent Street Activity Centre (see page 14) for the Fresh and Lively Lunch Program, a game of snooker, cribbage, trips and so much more.
• Travel on one of Alexandra Neighbourhood Houses out trips or lunches.
‘Looking after yourself’ includes your medical state, your medications, your diet and your personal safety. It is wise to install ‘Life call, or Lifeline’ services for anyone living alone and to get immediate paramedic help in case of accident.
How you live is, of course, controlled by your income. Setting a new budget is absolutely necessary, so contacting your bank or a financial planner would be helpful.
‘Looking after yourself’ also includes combatting loneliness and isolation. In addition to checking out the support services and programs mentioned above, the way to do this – and what only you can do – is to stay connected.
Have something to look forward to, even if it is just a phone call or visit.
If at all possible, do something for someone else and volunteer your services. This is both satisfying and self-rewarding, and can make life worth living. Sometimes it is the only way to prevent each day from melting into the next.
If you allow days to become a blur, then the following serious process will quickly develop: loneliness, boredom, depression, self-neglect and mental-health issues.
Finally, remind yourself that losing interest in what you have always enjoyed will rob you of your treasured memories and thoughts.
Joyce Schmalz is one of the three founders of the BC Centre for Elder Advocacy and Support in Vancouver, as well as a strong champion and advocate of seniors for over 40 years in Surrey and White Rock.
