Disturbed by the recent murder of a widow near Princeton, I felt compelled to write something. I had been pondering issues of gender differentiation for some time, especially since I had been equally disturbed by the comment made at the time that “the woman had made bad choices.”
The implication of such a statement is that she was soley at fault for ending up dead. By the way, I have heard this statement more than once, and yes, indeed we all – men and women – are at fault for making bad choices at times. But, as not everyone ends up dead or severely beaten as a result. I am aware that this comment might very well be motivated by fear.
Regardless, it is worth examining since, unfortunately, acts of violence against women in rural areas are not uncommon. In addition, do we really know the circumstances in which women are placed to have to make such choices?
Statistics seem to show that it is mostly women who are the ones who bare the brunt of physical injuries in violent heterosexual relationships (this information is readily available at any local women’s support centre). Poverty, for example, often places women in a disadvantageous power positions. Violence, without doubt takes many forms and it is less apparent when hidden behind the veil of verbal assault, or in either emotional and / or psychological acts of aggression. As such, the responsibilty might be equally shared by genders – not in the case of children though, who are truly helpless victims. Regardless, women and children do remain the main victims of abuse, rape, neglect, casualties of war and domestic violence. And it is there where we most often see disparities of power. Escalation of violence in general involves issues of control, which, by the way, seems to be more and more prevalent in our present culture. We just need to take one look at what is being shown on TV these days. I was in shock when seeing the content of shows such as Gerry Springer and others like it. And we call that entertainment?
Violence has certainly been in our world from time immemorial. But I would like to believe that we are more aware now than ever before of the death of its dynamics and how it hinders happiness and the pursuit of life (vs. death, that is). Violence in general remains a difficult challenge for philosophers, spiritualists and others. A fellow once said to me – “Nowadays, women, to be sure, are equal to men in all aspects.”
Believe me, I would very much like to think so, but it is far from the truth and we are still even further from reaching such a goal globally. Our world continues to contend with many disparities when it comes to salaries, access to education and issues of how and whom raises our future generations. At least here, in British Columbia where we women living in rural areas continue to contend with the disadvantages once set by a frail educational system. Many of us don’t have the musculature to begin with, nor had a chance to master the use of simple machinery and / or much needed essential tools. Yes, some of us have mastered them, but not all of us. In 1974, for instance, at my high school in Prince George I was deterred from taking mechanics for instance. Besides that, often single women of a “certain age” are seen as oddities for not having husbands or boyfriends. Regardless, it is not infrequent for women to still have need of help from men – nothing to be ashamed of, I hope.
Let us again be reminded that we are rural, and as such we depend on the services provided by individuals who more often than not would not be considered “legitimate” – meaning people registered with local Chambers of Commerce. And yet, that may be exactly what we need in our smaller communities, a list of helpful individuals that have a clean police record and a record of good standing in the community; perhaps that would help widows, elderly women, people with developmental disabilities, single moms in need and living by themselves, etc.
These names could possibly be made available at women’s resource centres and RCMP detachments, local laundries etc.
I believe it’s worth a thought.
Contributed by Marcela Toro Garland
