Mel Deitz gazed wistfully at the painting on the wall and said, “That’s my ranch.”
He then pointed to a portrait of himself, a cowboy.
That life has now been taken from him because he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
“Both his sister and brother have it too,” explained June Deitz, who is her husband’s sole caregiver.
“It’s an awful disease because it is like a computer virus. It starts at the beginning and erases from now, back.”
The couple are in their 47th year of marriage.
In 1991 they moved onto their ranch in Garnett Valley and Mel took early retirement to grow hay and raise cattle, while June continued her teaching career.
The disease first started with Mel forgetting small things and misplacing his keys.
It progressed to the point where he couldn’t remember how to operate the farm equipment.
June recognized the signs but Mel initially did not. He was angry and upset.
A number of years ago, after receiving the diagnosis from Mel’s doctor, the couple sold their ranch and moved into town.
“He was very reluctant to leave, but it just had to be,” said June.
Mel is still able to recognize his four children and their spouses, but is having trouble remembering the names of his grandchildren.
Although the family has been told the diagnosis, it is still not easy for them to understand.
“It’s hard because this is the parent and suddenly he is not the person they remember anymore and he is not behaving as you would expect the parent to behave, so it changes things,” explained June. “It is very hard for them.”
June herself often feels overwhelmed.
“There are challenges on so many fronts that you have to face and deal with,” she said.
Not only is she caring for Mel on a day-to-day basis, but she has to communicate with the doctors and monitor medications.
She is now responsible for all the banking and legal decisions and is still working her way through all of the paperwork.
Although she tries to be as patient as possible, she often finds herself feeling frustrated and a little trapped.
Becoming socially isolated is something that June tries hard to avoid.
She explained that initially friends may begin to pull back because they don’t know how to deal with or respond to the person with Alzheimer’s.
June invites a small group of friends to their home monthly.
They in turn then get invited to their friends’ homes.
Occasionally they will still go out for dinner to a restaurant together.
Travelling is becoming impossible because Mel often becomes disoriented if he is taken out of his environment.
One of the things June has done in order to help herself cope has been to take advantage of the programs and services the Alzheimer Society offers.
She has attended workshops and regularly attends a caregiver support group.
The meetings start with a sharing time.
June has found that others have suggestions on how to deal with different situations that may arise.
She has also found the group facilitator to be a “wealth of information” and an advocate if needed.
“I would recommend that you involve yourself in this group early, because the process and the journey needs to be started early so that you’re not overwhelmed suddenly with what has to be done,” said June.
Something that is needed, June feels, is a program that would provide someone other than the caregiver, to be a companion to the person with Alzheimer’s.
She feels her husband would benefit if he had a buddy that could spend short periods of time interacting with him on a one-to-one basis.
The best thing anyone could ever do in order to help, June said, is to call or to visit.
Even though life has changed, June tries to stay positive and not to think ahead to when things will get worse.
Not a day goes by where Mel does not say to his wife, “We should buy the ranch back,” to which she responds, “Not today.”
To contact the Alzheimer Society, go to www.alzheimerbc.org or call Laurie Myres at 250-493-8182 or toll free at 1-888-318-1122.
