Stopping the seeds of abuse and violence before they escalate is the goal of a new program being offered in Salmon Arm and area.
Registered social worker Marji Aiken is excited about the provincially funded program that will allow her to work with couples and families in a new way – to address problems on a family basis before they escalate into sometimes very severe violence.
“What has been happening is that unless a couple seeks help on their own by going to a private counsellor or some kind of community program, the problem comes to light when the RCMP are called to the home, or when children sometimes talk at school saying that mom and dad are not getting along very well.”
Aiken says people tend to hide abuse problems and don’t seek help out of embarrassment or fear.
Once the police become involved, a process gets underway whereby the perpetrators, usually men, are charged and put on probation. They are often required to attend a group therapy program to get some education and strategies on how to handle stress, anger, power and control, Aiken says.
“This has been the norm for 20 to 25 years and in working in that kind of program, I often hear from the men that they would like the women and children to receive that type of education as well,” she says.
But Aiken says, once the violence has escalated, involving partners can be dangerous. She says research indicates that often, if the abused individual says something in the group that the partner dislikes, they may face reprisals at home.
One of the things the new program will allow is for Aiken to go into homes to work with couples in an environment where they’re comfortable, to help them identify areas they are struggling with within their relationship.
Once the issues are clearly identified, Aiken says she can then help them to develop communication strategies that are healthier so they can use different ways of relating to each other instead of being so frustrated they escalate to verbal abuse – name-calling, yelling – or violence.
While she says she can’t speak to statistics, Aiken agrees “there is a fairly high number” of people who experience abuse or violence in an intimate-partner type of relationship, be it marriage, common law or same-sex relationships.
And while it crosses all socio-economic lines, major precursors to abuse include alcohol and cocaine.
“This is not to say these substances are responsible, but they can be an influencing character,” she says, noting childhood trauma is often implicated. When people grow up in an environment where abuse or violence is the norm, they go into adult relationships without the skills to deal with stressful situations or the differences in relationships.
“If someone is insecure in their own self, they want to be able to control what’s going on and so they tend to think the way to keep a happy situation is to do things their way, and that their partner needs to be controlled into thinking their way is the right way too,” she says.
As well as working with the The Ministry of Children and Family Development, Aiken is available on a private basis too by emailing rivers.edge88@yahoo.ca. For more information, visit www.riversedgecounselling.ca.
