In his essay, “Mountains and Rivers Sutra,” 13th century Zen master Eihei Dogen writes, “Clearly examine the blue mountains walking, and examine your own walking. Examine backward walking and investigate the fact that walking forward goes on all the time.”
In another essay that teaches us how to meditate, Dogen says that the backward step is the heart of zazen. In explaining how to meditate, he says, “Take the backward step and turn the light inward. Your body mind, of itself, will drop off, and original enlightenment will appear. If you want to realize enlightenment, take this step backwards.”
When we sit in zazen we examine our consciousness very carefully. This requires a certain amount of concentration because if our mind is distracted, there is no way we can see what is going on in awareness. But if we sit quietly so there is not so much thinking going on, and if we refrain from chasing thinking, thoughts will come and go more slowly because the mind is calm. Then it may occur to us to wonder where does that thought come from, or we might question how it appeared there all of a sudden.
But if our mind is racing, that question never occurs to us because we are too busy thinking about stuff. And really, isn’t it true that mostly we think about a projected idea of ourselves? Even when relaxing in our living room the mind is directed outward. Indeed, most of our thinking is directed outward. The mind is always pursuing something. For example, people often think about the future. “Tomorrow I’m going to do this or that.” But if I’m thinking about tomorrow, I’m only thinking about a projected idea of myself. Others think about the past. But if I’m mad at myself over what a stupid thing I did yesterday or congratulating myself on something I did well, I’m not really thinking about my true self. I’m still thinking about a projected idea of self. Dogen says that thinking about a projected self is taking a forward step. It is the mind leaving this very moment in time and space. It is not thinking about our true self, the self that exists here and now. We all know how to take the forward step. We do it all the time.
But Dogen is telling us to take the backward step, to stop thinking about stuff and to back to the source of thinking. He is telling us to shine the light inward, and if we notice ourselves heading into the past or the future, to step back into our lives, as they are, in this moment. And he tells us to do that over and over again whether we are meditating, gardening or in a conversation.
Suggested practice: Take 20 minutes each day to sit still, and notice whether your thoughts take you into the future or the past. The moment you notice, let go of that projection and shine the light inward.
Kuya Minogue is the resident teacher at Sakura-ji, Creston’s zendo. This column is part of a long essay on an essay by 13th century Zen master Eihei Dogen and is inspired by the teaching of Norman Fishcher. For more information, Minogue can be reached at 250-428-6500, and previous columns are available at www.zenwords.net.
