Gloves to the ice, the NHL player lands a punch to his opponent’s head. Fans cheer. At the same moment, not far away, a parent chastises his young son for hitting his little brother.
Messages society gives about violence are contradictory and jumbled.
The recent court case involving a Salmon Arm couple who spanked their 14-year-old daughter with a mini hockey stick and a skipping rope, leaving bruises, because she had posted a nude photo of herself on the mobile app Snapchat, has highlighted the mixed views about spanking and corporal punishment.
The judge found the parents guilty of assault with a weapon, stating the law allows educative or corrective steps but the parents took neither. He noted they did not seek out expert help or any other assistance to discuss their daughter’s actions with her.
“Their actions were solely punitive and not corrective. In my view, the actions of the parents were also degrading.”
On the Observer’s website and Facebook page, readers have both backed the parents’ stance and decried the justice system, as well as applauding the judge’s decision and condemning the parents’ actions as abusive.
My views are mixed.
For a baby or young child, violence is always frightening. Until a young person is conditioned or forced to accept violence, the sight of one person hurting another is disturbing. They want it to stop and they want to fix the problem.
To me, this quality is to be cherished, nurtured and protected. Violence is never a good solution to a problem. Our human history would be quite different if violence was never an option.
People who have been spanked or hit as children often say something to the effect that: “My parents spanked me and I turned out okay.” Yes, they probably did, but would their lives have been different if they were never spanked? Would their tolerance for violence be different? Would they be able to think of more creative solutions to problems with their children?
While I see no rational justification for violence against children, I also hate the idea of condemning parents.
Being a parent is probably the biggest, most complex project most people will tackle. It comes with no parenting manual, no pay and lots of expectations, both internal and external. While there can be untold joy, there can also be heartache.
At the same time society talks about children as our future, that role is not backed up with resources. Child-care workers, for instance, are often among the lowest paid. Resources at schools are dwindling, yet the country’s rich are getting richer. Parents, more and more who are struggling financially, get no breaks and are often left to their own devices to try to raise their children.
In order to put a stop to violence against children, society must support those front-line heroes, parents, who ultimately love their children and want to do right by them, but need help to do that.
If it takes a village (or a province or a country) to raise a child, it’s time the village started pitching in.
