For anyone who has lost a loved one, putting yourself back in a place that you once shared with that person can be difficult. Maybe it’s going to a special restaurant you used to dine together at. It could be an event you annually attended or even their home.
We tend to avoid causing ourselves grief, therefore going back to certain places or events, or even celebrating certain occasions, is out of the question.
While I am the queen of suppression (my therapist likes to remind me of that – and yes, I have a therapist and I’m not ashamed to say it, although my bank account is), I never quite understood why people avoid such circumstances. And I say that, yet, I do it just the same.
Yes, it’s hard to confront those situations, where emotions can take over, but that’s not a bad thing. Whoever said it was wrong to cry, or be sad? Those are valid emotions, especially for someone who is grieving (and PS – there is no timeline for grief, missing someone is a lifelong process, the hurt is always there it just eases with time).
But facing those emotional situations is a necessary step in the grieving process (you can’t avoid things forever, or you’ll really be an emotional wreck, and you’ll need twice as much therapy).
I found myself in that situation last weekend as my daughter and I headed to Marshall Field for the Run for the Cure.
It’s an event that we hadn’t taken part in since 2012, the year we ran (er, walked) with my mom.
So it was obviously tough to go back to an event that we once shared with someone who is no longer with us.
We hadn’t even gotten to the event yet and my five-year-old daughter started starring up at the ceiling of the car and crying.
“I want Nana back,” she told me through her heart-broken tears.
Ugh, now if that doesn’t hit ya, I don’t know what would.
But it was good. Good for her to share her feelings. And it was a good reminder to me, that today, it would be OK, to be sad.
I made it through the event, trying to be strong for my daughter, and in the face of all the others who stood strongly in support of their own lost loved ones, as well as those currently battling the disease and the fortunate ones proudly donning their survivor shirts after winning their battles. In the end it was a single balloon a child had lost her grip on, drifting up to the heaven’s at the end of the event, which eventually caused me to break down.
Despite the societal pressure many often feel to hold back their tears, I tried to do as my therapist has told me countless times – let it be there. Or as Disney’s latest princess Elsa says: “Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back any more.”
Like a weight, tied to the balloon, lifting from my shoulders, the tears gave me another moment to grieve, and remember.
These moments will likely strike many with this weekend’s occasion – Thanksgiving.
It’s hard to be thankful when you’ve been robbed of someone. When this special occasion is not the same when someone is missing.
So take the time to grieve the empty seat at the table, or the missing smell of mom’s famous turkey, but also take time to be thankful.
Adopting an attitude of gratitude is what Thanksgiving is all about.
Sharing your own bounty with others, particularly those who are not as fortunate, is the foundation this holiday is built on.
It’s a time to bring loved ones together, so we can all be thankful for the past, present and future.
