Beach culture is an interesting thing to observe. All walks of life congregate on those patches of sand, as I saw when I was at Kal Beach watching my kids plunge into the cool water with abandon the other day.
I made a few mental notes on those observations, while keeping both eyes on my kids (and I mean, both eyes… I am a former lifeguard, after all).
Me, I am your average harried parent at the beach – chasing down my kids, covered head to toe in sun protection, with wide brim hat and sunglasses.
With me are every floatation device known to man, woman and child, a Frisbee, a cooler, and a folding chair. If I happen to be without kids, I indulge in a good book.
I like my quiet and I love the feeling of sand between my toes, and the water lapping at my too-hot feet.
I don’t bake well in the sun’s radiance. I crisp easily – good if you’re bacon, not if you are of the paler human race. I look at bronze bodies with envy. I wonder if they are constantly worrying about that dark freckle on their shoulder…
Anyway, the point is that nobody notices me, but I notice you. And some of the things I see can be amusing, and maddening.
There’s the saggy bottom boys, who don’t seem to know that boardies should fasten at the waist, not the hip. They love to congregate in droves, blasting their tunes on portable speakers for all to hear.
It’d be nice if they’d drop it real low instead of playing DJ Snake and Lil Jon’s Turn Down for What, like really loud, even if it is an awesome song.
Then there’s the girls in their teensy-weensy bikinis. Hats off to those confident to embrace their bods. You go girl! But, alas, in reality those thongs are really feeding the testosteroned imaginations of those aforementioned saggy bottom boys, and the occasional creepy leerer with the binoculars pretending to look at the bird life on shore – no pun intended.
There’s an even scarier breed that I’ve observed on the beach, and they are not found right on the shore. Everyone knows who I’m talking about – that one obnoxious boater with the tunes cranked up so high, the bass reverberates off the hillside.
I actually observed one Mensa member doing donuts – or the equivalent of a donut done by a boat – in the swimming area a few weeks ago.
Yep, he/she was speeding right in between the buoys, and then spinning around in front of Kal pier. They did this a few times before I could get out to the end of the pier with my smartphone to film the incriminating evidence.
This, to me, is the downfall of society – those who feel they need to ruin what should be a relaxing, enjoyable and safe time at the beach just so you can show off your noisy, gas guzzling, floating piece of aluminum and fibreglass.
Are we impressed? No! Are you an idiot? Yes!
For the most part, the beach is a place where we should be able to take time for ourselves, with our families or with our community, whether it’s playing an exciting game of volleyball, building a sand castle the size of Versailles, or paddling off into the sunset.
Thanks to your taxpaying municipalities, or in other words, us, these are mostly free activities that should be enjoyable, not abused. We shouldn’t have to compete for that space in the sand or water with someone being obnoxious.
We should also make the beach special for our visitors – you know those beautiful people from all parts of the world who pay their way to come and stay here.
Let’s share our patch of public shoreline by being gracious, not by throwing sand in their faces. Life can be a beach if you treat it with respect.
– Kristin Froneman is the arts and entertainment editor at the Vernon Morning Star
