There’s a common perception that violence against women has nothing to do with men.
But consider that beyond the perpetrator generally being a man, the victim is someone’s mother, daughter, sister, niece, spouse, co-worker or friend.
The role that men can play in ending violence against women is something Kelly Fehr wants to address head-on.
Program director for the John Howard Society, Fehr spoke to a recent evening of remembrance and action on violence against women.
“I was born male into a privileged, white family. I am not going to pretend to be an authority on any women’s issues and I am not going to pretend that I know a whole lot about the challenges women face or the injustices and discrimination that my gender places on you every day and in every country,” he said.
“But I am also a feminist and what I will say is that the mentors I have had in my life have all been women. The people who have taught me to respect everyone despite our differences have been women. The people who have taught me to fight for what is right and to stand against oppression, to stand against discrimination and to stand against violence have all been women.
“Men are consistently placed in positions of power and we continue to fail you and we continue to fail ourselves. We continue to place personal gain and bias ahead of equality for all and truly loving our neighbours. I, like many other men whom I hold dear, will not be like those men. We will treat women with respect and love. We will fight along side you. It is because of strong female leaders that some men are still being raised and supported to ensure they have values of equality and unconditional love,” said Fehr.
As a husband and father of two young women, I can’t agree more with Fehr.
There is a need for men to become actively involved in resolving violence against women.
Collectively, we have to say enough is enough, and tell our sons, neighbours and friends that being abusive is unacceptable. We have to tell our daughters, neighbours and friends that they deserve better and we support them.
We also have to reach out to men who are violent so they can look inwards, address the issues troubling them and find peace.
Fehr’s comments came at the same time that the new government in Ottawa was revealing its plans for an inquiry into murdered and missing indigenous women.
For Dan Wilson, the headlines and statistics don’t matter. His focus is on niece Roxanne Louie, a member of the Osoyoos Indian Band who died earlier this year.
“She was 26-years-old and has a fine young son. He was three-and-a-half years-old when his mother died,” said Wilson, an Okanagan Indian Band councillor.
“The case is presently before the courts. This past September, we did a Ride For Justice through the streets of Pentiction and held a rally for justice at Gyro Park, across the street from the Penticton court house.”
Wilson will be watching closely as the national inquiry progresses.
“I think Roxanne would be pleased with Justin Trudeau and the Liberals for living up to his promise to launch a federal inquiry into missing and murdered women,” he said.
“I think this inquiry shows respect for all women by seeking the truth. I hope this inquiry will go a long way in preventing any further violence against all women.”
May it be so.
