“This message is from Canada Revenue Agency. The reason behind the call is to inform you there is a lawsuit which is getting registered under your name. So we want you to call us back on our department number which is 613-703-3595. I repeat it is 613-703-3595. Do call us back. Otherwise we need to issue an arrest warrant under your name. Thank you.”
I found that on my answering machine the other day.
Okay. I’m lying. I didn’t “find” the message on my answering machine, I was standing there, listening to it as it was being recorded.
I don’t immediately pick up the phone for calls that come from numbers that I don’t recognize. I wait for the perpetrator to start leaving a message, and then decide whether I’m dealing with friend or foe.
If there’s no attempt to leave a message, it’s probably a robo-call, so I assume it’s a foe. And when someone is threatening to haul my butt into a courtroom, I gotta tell ya, I assume that’s a foe, too.
Yeah. I know. It’s called “monitoring,” and in the ancient times I originally came from, it’s considered impolite.
So sue me.
But you’ll have to get in line, because that message sounded pretty serious.
What could I have done!
At first, I tried not to laugh.
I was supposed to believe that CRA was calling me – without identifying me specifically – to tell me I’m about to get arrested. Without telling me why. And without identifying the agent of doom who was sitting by the phone, waiting for me to give myself up.
Soon, the impulse for laughter gave way to thoughts of folks who still think it’s impolite to monitor calls – decent people who might still believe it’s rude to hang up on anyone – even a scam artist before he has finished his pitch – before there’s time to offer a polite, “Good-bye, thanks for calling.”
I thought of easily confused people who might be scared by that message on their answering machine – scared enough to make that call to “our department”.
I thought of some seniors buried under the weight of a changing world, anxious people among us who live on the edge of reality, immigrants from places where this could be real.
If you got the message, don’t call. Just laugh.
