On a warm evening last summer, I sat in a bar downtown, having a few drinks with friends. Amid the laughter and loud music of the room, I noticed when two young men got up and went outside for a cigarette, leaving their half-finished glasses on the bar.
A few minutes later, they returned to their seats and their drinks, finishing the latter and asking the bartender for more. Only one thought went through my head: I will never have that freedom.
Because no woman would ever leave her drink unattended in a bar.
Women are given a variety of tools and advice to avoid getting assaulted. Nail polish that turns colour when GHB is present. Not accepting drinks from strangers, or anyone. Finishing a drink or leaving it behind if a woman goes to the bathroom, or the dance floor. Dressing conservatively. Catching a cab. Getting a trusted friend to pick you up.
Avoid the bar altogether and just stay home, where it’s safe.
Sexual assault education involves teaching women how to not get raped. Something is very wrong with the difference in how we teach – or don’t teach – our boys and girls about sexual consent.
What brought up all of this feminist outrage was our online story about a woman getting robbed by gunpoint at an ATM downtown last week. The majority of comments on our Facebook page were of the ‘don’t go out at night alone’ variety.
This ATM was located on well-lit intersection on one of Nanaimo’s main highways. It was 9:30 p.m., well before any supposed curfew. Yet it seemed to be the victim who should have known better than to get robbed.
These comments are not outliers by a group of misogynistic trolls, either. Harken back to a story in early December when a 15-year-old girl walked along the train tracks near Pine Street only to be thrown into the bushes. Her attacker ran off when passersby heard her yelling. It was 4 p.m. in the afternoon.
According to online comments, she should have known better than to walk alone along railroad tracks in broad daylight.
Change the gender pronoun and that previous sentence sounds completely ridiculous.
We have so much freedom in Canada and yet informal restrictions are placed on that freedom every day, especially when night falls.
I’d like to walk the three blocks between my friends’ houses and mine in Harewood and enjoy the quiet streets while looking at the stars.
I’d like to cook breakfast over a campfire on a solo trek through Pacific Rim National Park or backpack along the Juan de Fuca trail on my own, revelling in the realizations that happen in solitude among the mist and the trees of the country’s wild West Coast.
I’d like to take money out of the bank to pay for a drink that doesn’t leave me unconscious an hour later.
By blaming the victim, we make these offences acceptable and it gives society a pass from acting on initiatives that help root out violent behaviour: well-funded education system, mental health and addictions support, and life skills training, among others.
We can change the narrative on these stories and allow women to live their lives at all hours of the day.
editor@nanaimobulletin.com
