It is a question that every high-level athlete faces at some point.
Growing up and playing their chosen sport, they can sometimes be defined by whichever sporting endeavor they have decided to pursue.
For Kristen Santema, soccer was her game.
So when it was taken away from her, the 23-year-old Santema was left contemplating who she was without the game.
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Santema first stepped on the pitch when she was five years old, and when it came time to focus on just one, it was an easy choice.
After graduating from Coquitlam’s Centennial Secondary in 2009, Santema earned the chance to play at the the highest university level in Canada, with one of the premier programs in the country, the Trinity Western Spartans.
But following her sophomore season, Santema wasn’t feeling well.
“I just felt very weak and tired, just very fatigued,” she explained.
Her initial thought was that this was the result of being out of shape after the Christmas holidays.
Still not feeling better by March, she was sent for a blood test, but it wasn’t until six months later that doctors delivered a diagnosis — aplastic anemia, a rare bone marrow syndrome which leaves a person feeling fatigued and with a higher risk of infections and uncontrolled bleeding. The condition occurs when the body stops producing enough new blood cells.
Santema sat out the spring season in 2011 and the Canada West regular season in the fall. She also missed an opportunity to play for Canada in the summer of 2011 at the FISU (World University) Games in China.
Doctors monitored her health throughout the fall, waiting until her levels reached a certain point before they could begin treatment.
“It was frustrating,” Santema said. “I was too sick to play soccer, but not sick enough to get help.”
She took a regular course load that fall semester and began her chemotherapy in January, a full year after first feeling sick.
Ten days of treatment were followed by three months of travelling back-and-forth to Vancouver General Hospital.
Somehow, she managed to complete a pair of online courses while doing all of this, and with a clean bill of health, Santema made her return to the pitch in the fall of 2012.
She played limited minutes that season.
“But even then, I would be exhausted, just gassed,” she described.
Santema’s played a little bit more last season, but this year, is a whole different story.
Through the Spartans first six conference games, Santema has played every minute as the team has jumped out to a 5-0-1 record (see page 16).
“To this point, she has probably been our most consistent performer,” said TWU coach Graham Roxburgh about his stalwart defender.
“She is getting back to where she before she got sick, from a playing standpoint.”
“I feel like a new person,” she admits.
Her blood cell levels are the same as they were last year, so it is not a matter of health.
None of that matters to Santema as she is just thankful to be back on the pitch.
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It wasn’t easy being away from the game she loves, nor did Santema make it easier on herself.
“I kind of segregated myself from the team,” she said. “Just a very depressing and hard time for me.
“It made me question who I was: if I can’t play soccer — which is the only thing I am good at — what good am I, or who am I?”
Being away from the game forced her to re-evalaute the priorities in her life.
“It was a really big learning experience for me to figure out that soccer can’t be everything because eventually it gets taken away, or I am not going to be able to play,” she said.
“So who am I without soccer?”
This difficult time helped Santema discover God.
Until that point, Santema’s did believe in a higher power, but her relationship with God was pretty non-existent, she admitted.
“As far as I was concerned, my life was good and there was no need to go searching for anything more,” she said. “I was pretty self-absorbed and was living for myself, not realizing the bigger picture and the greater calling in my life.”
“I really began to seek out who is this God character, who is Jesus and does this have relevance in my life,” Santema said.
“And through my faith, I have been able to find out that I am more than soccer and soccer doesn’t completely define me.”
“While it was awful that I was not playing soccer, it is just a small piece of my life,” she said.
“I realized what is most important is to serve others and to love others.”
Santema considers being back on the pitch a gift.
“I didn’t know if I would play again,” she said.
“It has been really rewarding and I am just so thankful I am able to put my boots on and play and contribute.”
“I am here on this team to encourage my teammates, make my teammates better, serve in whatever way I can,” Santema added.
“I think for the first time I have been able to set aside my own individual ambitions and focus on my teammates.”
Roxburgh is just happy she came back.
“She is real special young lady who has had to deal with some harsh adversity,” he said.
“And I think she is being rewarded for her perseverance and staying the course when maybe it would have been easier to say ‘this chapter in my life is over.’”
Santema, who is in her final year of eligibility, is set to graduate in December with a degree in kinesiology and she hopes to study to become a physiotherapist.
