There are many roles we can play in a child or young person’s life and being a champion is a very important one that anyone can be. To be a champion you need to really care.
In my sons’ development I saw first hand the importance of the many champions who were in their lives. Relationships were really important to them and when they had that connection with their coaches, family friends and teachers. The difference was significant. There is such power in the human connection and to a child or a youth it can be life changing.
Lynn Reside, a great champion for children, shared on her Facebook page two stories that stood out for me. One is a TED talk from an educator named Mrs. Pearson who says, “there is no significant learning without a significant relationship. Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like.”
I know there are going to be kids who will challenge teachers, who they will not like. And I know there are kids who will never know that their teacher works to make the relationship and that connection with a child important. The tough ones show up for a reason.
The other story that resonated was from a pediatrician who had written an article for The Washington Post, expressing concern over the amount of screen time children had and parents’ distraction when they are on their own screens.
Being in the same room doesn’t mean we are present.
“Social media has a place and a purpose, but too many parents are creating unnecessary stress by trying to be in two places at once, while modeling to their children that online relationships take precedence over real ones,” said the pediatrician. “In an era of constant distraction, we must decide what’s more important: heeding the constant ping of our devices or telling our children, in word and deed, ‘I am listening. I am here. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.’”
There were times when my kids would say to me, “Mom, Mom, are you listening?” I was tuned out and on my computer or on the phone instead of being present to my kids. I am glad I never learned to text until they were older, and now with them living away from home, texting is a great way for us to connect.
What I know is that it is precious face-to-face time that is most important.
It’s possible those parents on their computers are following an urgent work email thread, or they may be on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest. A 2011 Nielsen poll found that people with children use social media more than those without.
Maybe these adults are reading an article shared by another parent. Maybe they are making plans with friends and family. But they are definitely communicating to their children that they are less important than whatever is on those devices.
This might seem absurd to today’s parents, who feel like they give themselves to their children in ways previous generations never imagined. But the undivided attention that children need from us is in jeopardy.
Most people just don’t realize how much time they’re spending online; what feels like a few minutes is often a half hour or more.
When we are with our children, we need to be with our children — not with them except for the part of us that’s reading emails, tweeting and checking Facebook.
Another reason for parents to put down their phones: Though Facebook may provide community, it can also promote competition and unreachable standards of perfection.
The way I see it, we will not put on our tombstones, “I wish I had spent more time on my iPhone.”
Mrs. Pearson in her TED talk spoke of her mom, another educator who had left a legacy of relationships.
That is impressive, a legacy of relationships with children and youth that made a difference in their young lives by someone believing in them, really investing in them, making them believe they were somebody.
Teachers are so significant to a young person and so can others be. In our roles as neighbours, employers, family, friends, shop keepers, secretaries, volunteers, coaches, health care providers, counsellors, aides, parents, any of the roles where children can interact with adults, there is an opportunity to be a caring adult: to show interest, be dependable, inspire, be kind, model, encourage, guide, respect, give voice, collaborate, connect and navigate.
“Every child needs a champion who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists they become the best they can be,” says Mrs. Pearson.
I have spoken before about adults in my young life who left positive imprints: the school janitor, the neighbourhood cookie lady who knew all of our names and gave each of us who knocked on her door a cookie and conversation. Their role wasn’t as direct as my teachers and yet left such good memories for me. I knew they cared, provided support and believed in me.
The Search Institute has been researching for many years how children can become healthy adults. They have a new study coming out on the importance of developmental relationships this fall. (See www.search-institute.org.)
Here are some key points from that framework:
Express care – show that you like me and want the best for me.
Challenge growth – insist that I try to continuously improve.
Provide support – help me complete tasks and complete goals.
Share power – hear my voice and let me share in decision making.
Expand possibilities – expand horizons and connect me to opportunities, including connect me to people who will help me grow.
This is a wonderful community to raise children in and I hope it can become even better as we all work to be caring adults and take the time to invest in our children with our time, being present, looking them in the eye, listening to their stories and letting our actions show that we believe in them.
