In the Nov. 24 edition of the Chronicle we looked at what the Nanaimo-Ladysmith School District is doing to reach out to students who may be struggling with urges to commit suicide.
But what about parents? Is enough information and support getting to them so they will recognize the signs of a child caught up in suicidal ‘ideation’; and do they know what to do if they suspect their own child is in trouble?
The more parents are brought into the loop, the better the response can be, people who work with teens and even pre-teens in trouble agree. Having basic knowledge about symptoms and information about what to do and where to go for help when those symptoms are displayed, can save lives.
“Sometimes it’s not so easy for kids to talk about what’s going on for them, so as parents, we’re wanting to watch for those changes, and then we’re wanting to try to find ways to find out what’s really happening with that kid,” said Lindsay Wells, public education program coordinator with the Vancouver Island Crisis Society.
She and others, who deal with the issue of suicide, wants to dispel the ‘myth’ that suicide is something a young person decides to do suddenly, on impulse.
“The thing about suicide is not just one thing will bring somebody there, it’s a combination of things,” Wells said. “There’s a very well known myth that suicide is an impulsive act for kids – no, that’s a myth.”
So parents, friends and others who have ongoing relationships with young people can often spot warning signs as the events that are bringing a person down begin to weigh on them.
“These things are like rocks in a bag, and every single person that is walking around the earth has got a bag full of struggles, and the rocks in the bag represent our struggles,” Wells explained.
The metaphor is so powerful, it’s used in parent training sessions offered by VICS. “We demonstrate that, where we will actually throw rocks in a bag, and we do it for the parent training,” Wells said.
“The more rocks that go into a person’s bag, that don’t get unpacked – and what we mean by unpacked is talked about – you see how that bag gets heavier and more difficult to carry.”
What’s inside can be a mix of things. “We look at things with our kids like loss, like trauma, and also we look at things like belongingness: do I fit in at school? Do I have a social group that I belong to? And that’s where the bullying piece can come in,” Wells said.
“Things like withdrawal: Is my child in the room all the time with the door shut? Are they participating in the family, are they talking?”
There are resources for parents on vicrisis.ca (click the ‘Access the Main Site’ link in the upper right corner of the opening page to get to the main web site).
Under the ‘About Suicide’ menu item is a FAQ that includes the acronym IsPathWarm, which lists factors that may indicate a youth at risk: Ideation, Substance abuse, Purposelessness, Anxiety, Trapped, Hopelessness, Withdrawal, Anger, Recklessness, Mood changes.
The biggest alarm bell of all, though, is verbalization or other forms of representation that suggest suicide as something a child is thinking about.
“If your child is talking about, joking about, drawing pictures about, writing poetry about death or dying or suicide, we want to take that very seriously and that includes any kind of suicidal thought that could appear on social media,” Wells said.
That’s when a conversation needs to be broached, and the bag of rocks lightened. “That’s our message to kids and to parents, is that we need to find safe places to unpack,” Wells said, “and parents need to either be the people to unpack to, or if that doesn’t feel comfortable, we want to get our kids connected to someone they can unpack to.”
The youth has to be asked directly if they are thinking of suicide so they can talk about it. “That’s a scary question, and a lot of people think ‘If I ask that question, I’m going to put the thought into that person’s mind.’”
Wells said that’s not the case. “It’s the most important question to be asked,” she said. “It tells the young person, ‘I’m okay to go here.’”
Parents who find themselves in this situation shouldn’t hesitate to contact the Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888. “We can do a risk assessment over the phone. We can talk to their child, if they’d like to put their child on the phone.” They can even do crisis texting and crisis chat.
“We want people reaching out for support instead of keeping all those rocks, all those struggles inside,” Wells said – that includes young people who may be at risk, and parents, who are afraid for their kids.
For interested parents there are workshops available in the spring and autumn.
“They can contact the Crisis Society or go on our web site, we put up dates there for when our next programs are. We have many different workshops and programs that people can sign up for.”
Note: This article was scheduled to run in the Dec. 1 issue of the Chronicle. Our apologies for the delay.
