I recently had a discussion with close friends who were considering becoming parents or whether they wanted to wait a few more years. On the spot, it’s hard to provide solid and thoughtful advice. Having given it more consideration, here are the top seven reasons you should choose to be a dad:
1) Babies are gassy. Now at face value, this may seem like a disadvantage but that’s a little shortsighted; everyone knows that babies are gassy meaning that if you let one rip all your guests will just assume it’s the helpless little infant. This means having a baby is a great opportunity to eat all your favourite bean dishes without having to think twice.
2) Babies interrupt your sleep. You can take some serious advantage of this. Drinking a good measure of alcohol each night will ensure you sleep right through all the three and five o’clock diaper changes. Meanwhile, if you show up hungover to work, your boss will simply assume the baby kept you up all night.
3) Your wife is exhausted. As the person responsible for feeding the little critter (meaning getting up in the middle of the night) and spending all day with the baby while you go to work, she’ll be tired all the time. As a result, there are all kinds of things you can get away with you haven’t been able to since you were a bachelor. She definitely won’t have the energy to worry about giving you a hard time over leaving the toilet seat up. Furthermore, she’ll go to bed early; no more romantic comedies, welcome back video game night.
4) You’ll be in charge of dinners. I’m not sure why, but suddenly pizza, take out, pizza, breakfast for dinner, pizza, nachos and more pizza is completely acceptable again.
5) Loads of laundry that’s not yours. A baby, especially a boy, will go through multiple outfits a day between spitting up, diapers and leaking breast milk resulting in laundry having to be done every day (furthermore “some of the dirty outfits are just so cute”). Sneaking in a pair of boxers or socks will go largely unnoticed.
6) Socially people expect less. Having a baby is a great opportunity to never see that friend from high school again who you haven’t liked for years. Is your friend’s party a total bummer? A baby is a great excuse to leave.
7) You get to be your wife’s hero. Mommy smells like breastmilk, so the baby is constantly looking for a nipple and never goes to sleep. Daddy meanwhile smells familiar but is good for nothing other than falling asleep on (the superpower I never knew I wanted) giving her a much-needed break.m
