By Chris Wilkinson
I had a call from an adult daughter this past Sunday asking for help with her elderly mom after her mom was discharged unexpectedly from the hospital the day before.
The daughter was in town visiting and was scheduled to ferry back home later that day. But the plan had to change. Mom wasn’t thriving at home on her own. One bath tired her out so much that she wasn’t even feeling well enough to eat. And that’s how it happens. A family situation. Schedules need to bend and shape around aging parents. Work and home life get put on hold. Because what else are we going to do? But it’s so stressful because our lives are so busy and have zero room for the unexpected. And yet we all know what happens every, single, waking day — the unexpected.
It reminded me of something I had been thinking about more lately. How our schedules don’t have much time and space for the unexpected. How we fill up our days and evenings with stuff and max out our schedules. Could you imagine not doing that? How would you feel if for a solid two weeks in a row you had NOTHING you HAD to do in the late afternoons and evenings to keep up? No meetings. No appointments. No grocery shopping at 5 p.m. for dinner without a dinner plan. No to-do items nagging at you. It seems crazy to even suggest that.
Our time and energy budget is maxed out. And if it’s not we feel like we are slacking off. Or being lazy. When someone asks how we’re doing we say, “I’m busy” like it’s a badge of honour. Like we’ve earned our exhausted lives with noble achievement. Could you imagine, when someone asked, “How are you?”, if you said, “I’m well rested and caught up on everything.” As if, right?
As tough as this is for us to hear, saying that we’re busy secretly means that we are seeking recognition for our efforts. That we’re looking for a pat on the back for not appearing lazy. In truth, all we’ve done is fill up our schedule with low priority tasks, and hopefully chipped away at some of the most important priority tasks as well, almost by accident.
Pardon the cliché, but if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, there is a better way. I’m not awesome at it yet — but I’m seeing how well it works. It’s simple prioritizing, mixed with saying “no”. That’s it! Sounds simple right? Let’s look at an example.
What are your top three priorities in your life? Let’s say it’s your family, your health, and your career…in whatever order you want to put those in. So you schedule all the important things relating to those priorities into your day/week/month, and then when something else gets asked of you, you put it through that filter. Is it one of those three? Or is it for fun? If it’s a no, you take a real hard look at it and decide if it’s really that important. How is your energy? Is it worth burning yourself out for? Or is it something that you just need to say no to?
We really do need to practice just saying no. It’s hard at first, and you will feel guilt, but that’s the moment to just hold on to the guilt and to not cave. Hold your ground. That’s important ground taken that you must keep. That’s how you avoid burnout and stress. And adrenal/cortisol fatigue. And chronic energy drain, weight gain, and unhappiness. Priority filtering and saying no. That’s it. Sounds so easy right?
After a short while of practicing your priority filtering and saying no, you’ll find you are ready for the unexpected. It’s a good feeling. And when someone asks you how you’re doing, you’ll respond with an unusual inner calm that says, “I’m good. Really good. I’m lovin’ life.”
Chris Wilkinson is the owner/GM for Nurse Next Door Home Care Services for Cowichan and central Vancouver Island. For more info visit www.NurseNextDoor.com or for questions or a free in-home Caring Consult call 250-748-4357, or email Chris.Wilkinson@NurseNextDoor.com
