Dear Sir:
I see that Justin Bieber is in the news again. The US would desperately love to trade him off for anybody or anything but most of us don’t want him back despite their pleas.
However, if certain conditions are met, we might be able to make some sort of trade off.
He should never be allowed to have bacon and eggs again as he has a tendency to heave the eggs at a neighour’s house.
His Ferrari, Lamborghini and other over-priced chick magnets would have to remain in the US. Only drug dealers, lawyers and televangelists should be allowed to own such toys.
He must put in at least two appearances on “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” That should slow down his career as long as he doesn’t marry one of them.
He has to stop wearing those deceptive elevator shoes. The world isn’t ready for a five foot, six inch Bieber with a six foot, six inch ego.
Most of all, he must agree to accept an anatomically correct chastity belt. We cannot tolerate anymore Biebers.
If the above conditions are met and we accept him back, maybe than we could continue our normally tolerable relations with our southern neighbour.
Earle Tupper,
Terrace, B.C.
