At a meeting recently, Castlegar’s city councillors were taking a lot of flak. I looked around at the seven of them and thought they were like the dwarfs of storybook land. Here they were trying to protect and advance the interests of the “snowy white” city of Castlegar, and yet they were under attack.
The Facebook lady kept slashing away at their motives, the Connors Road trail-man wouldn’t let go of his not-in-my-backyard arguments, and the ever-present senior kept reminding them about refuse on the roadways. The councillor-dwarfs were being viewed as very small by these members of the dwarfdom.
First, I peered at the dwarfs’ leader, none other than “Happy” Law Churnon. Unless his back is bothering him from work deep in the mines, he is a man of smiles and cheeriness. As an optimist, he believes keenly in the “snowy white” city of Castlegar, and his favourite saying is a version of “that’s great.” He is forever attending events and mouthing a few words, a real churn-on.
Next is the chef-deluxe man, “Sleepy” Floral-Yo, the dwarf with the unpronounceable last name. He is the only one who is addressed by his first name — “oh, dwarfee Floral-Yo” instead of Vassil-whatever-it-is. He is clearly witty and trumps with his humour. When he is not at work in the mine, he can be found in the high forest striking a little white ball.
“Sneezy” MacaBoss is tough in responding to the rabble’s comments. She will jump into the debate before “Happy” Law Churnon gives her permission, and yet her comments are usually right on. “Sneezy” will “atchoo” at the mere mention of low-rental housing and the homeless. Of the dwarf-group, she is the keenest about keeping drugs out of the mine and pressing for more arrests by the royal soldiers.
The most laid-back dwarf is “Dopey” Kiev Churnon, who has a moniker similar to that of the mayor. He is called “dopey” not because he is slow-witted, but because he often has the dope on everything in the community.
He spends a lot of time on the computer checking out other mines and lays out key bits of information on his busy face-book page. Often when people have to pay their mine-tax, he is phoned because they confuse him with the mayor.
Then there is “Grumpy” Rye-Whisk. A completely serious dwarf, he worries endlessly about the business side of the dwarf operation. He is keen on economic development and cheers mightily when funds are allotted for efforts to bring more people into the forest. His voice is the growl heard when the dwarfs talk about a better airport, and he doesn’t whisk these issues aside.
A quiet-voiced member of the clan is “Doc” Heat-Shareabitof. With a double name, it is certain Doc will prolong the debate by seeking major discussion. She prepares written notes for dwarf sessions and carefully analyzes matters affecting the “snowy white” city. Doc is quick to ask questions and seek solutions when there are rumbles anywhere in the mine.
The last dwarf is “Bashful” Tromboni, a dwarf used to tooting his horn in a different venue. A new member to the dwarf seven, he has been one of the regular mine workers now elevated. He quietly looks after his portfolios and sits in his council-chair with a big smile. Often, he pretends he is only partly awake and blushes at the thoughts he has about unionizing city council.
Always alert for the antics of the wicked queen in Victoria, these characters watch over the “snow white” dwarfdom of Castlegar.
