The next Friday the 13th is not until July. The last one was in April, but the way recent events have been going, you would think they happen every week.
And right now, at the top of the latest fear list, is concern about a zombie apocalypse.
Zombies, so the description goes, like to snack on the brains of their victims.
Immortalized in horror films as lurching, undead folks who like to roam in groups and utter the odd, unintelligible noise, in recent weeks we have heard of a few real-life zombie-like incidents south of the border.
First, there was the naked guy who was caught eating the face off another naked guy in Florida.
Then we had the Maryland college student who admitted she killed her housemate and ate parts of the body.
A few years ago there was a mother who supposedly killed her kid and ate part of the brain.
News of these shocking incidents come on the heels of the B.C. government, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, issuing zombie survival tips as a way of getting people to think about what they would need in case of a real emergency, such as flooding, fire, earthquake or any other natural or man-made carnage.
Earlier this week, the well-respected U.S. Centres for Disease Control even went so far as to officially announce—in the face of growing public concern—that a zombie virus is not circulating south of the border.
That was comforting given there are 10 times more people in the U.S. than in Canada, so the chance of our southern neighbour having more zombies than we have in Canada is far greater and crossing the border is supposedly easier now—or so the U.S. president and the Canadian prime minister would have us believe.
On top of that, it’s getting to be holiday time and even zombies like to load the kids into the station wagon and take a road trip. Where better to drive to than the Okanagan, with its sun, sand and Canada brains aplenty.
Now that witches and wizards are passé and vampires are, like, so five minutes ago, zombies are the new scary kids on the block.
The CDC announcement came in a response to the reputable Huffington Post, which posed a question to the CDC about a possible zombie virus making the rounds.
So fear not, there is no zombie pandemic.
But if you are still concerned, the B.C. government’s emergency preparedness site does have those tips still posted.
Of course, to keep the population calm, it claims they are only there because if you are ready for zombies, you are ready for other catastrophe.
But hey, who are they kidding?
