Rob “Fresh Prince of Bill-Air” Biller
Observer Contributor
High Noon, March 11
Narwhals 8 – Lucky Pucks 2
Fresh off their 8-2 trouncing of the Over-the-Hill-Gang Nordiques, the Arctic Unicorns thumped on the Lucky Pucks with another 8-2 walloping. Katie “Old Mother” Hubbard continued her strong play between the pipes for the Pucks, despite the lopsided score. Her agent would be smart to focus on save percentage when her next contract negotiation rolls around and avoid goals against average like a bad smell. “Nearly Headless” Nick Falloon continued his strong play for the Narwhals, repeatedly “stacking the pads old-school” to the great delight of the “Fresh Prince.”
Beyond mercilessly trolling Ty “A Yellow Ribbon” Darragh all game, the “Fresh Prince” also “accidentally” tipped the ball to the ladies for their first goal. Even random penalty shots and oopsie tips weren’t enough to keep the likes of Tyler “Keep Your Mitts On” Fenton, Dawson “Creek” Rusk and the rest of the Narwhals from turning the game into a romp. Ally “Baba” Fulton, Amelia “Earhart” Musselman, and Lauren “Don’t Live in the” Pastachak were strong all game for the Pucks. The ladies played hard and the lads won with class, so what more could we want out of this one?
High Noon, March 12
PCKU 4 – Leftovers 6
As the league grappled with a future without fans in the stands, these two hungry clubs arrived ready to lay it all on the line in search of a big “W.” Indeed, the battle of the Fisher siblings even drew a proud papa to watch.
The game itself was a goalie’s duel right from the start, even though neither of the day’s tenders wanted the job to start with. “Iron M” Aiden Gilkerson was stellar for the Leftovers, while Tatum Mueller “Report” played her Kirk McLean stand-up style to near perfection for PCKU. Now that the “Fresh Prince” actually knows his name, Colton “Wing in a Sling” Thon chose to flash his fine skills all game, potting all the PCKU tallies. “Riders of the Purple” Sage Mycock played inspired defence all game, turning in a Chris Pronger/Cassie Campbell-Pascal style performance on the back end.
Hungry for the win, Shawn “of the Dead” Fisher played with an edge all game; he went after his sister, Casey “and Finnegan” Fisher, throughout the affair. Shawn “of the Dead’s” version of brotherly love ultimately left sister Casey “and Finnegan” with a bloody knuckle for her trouble. “Shawn of the Dead,” Alex “P. Keaton” Falloon and Jacob “Two Wrongs Don’t Make a” Wright shared the scoring for the victorious Leftovers.
High Noon,March 13
Mighty Pucks 13 – NHL Rejects 9
In the last league game before a longer-than-normal spring break, the Mighty Pucks survived a surprising offensive outburst from the NHL Rejects. Surprisingly well attended, the game was a bundle of laughs, though the back checking was certainly not of the textbook variety. The most prominent event of the game was Cassidy Nykirk “Cobain” setting a new league record for goals by a woman sniper — at least seven.
As we head into an uncertain spring break, all participants in the CSS Floor Hockey League — students and staff alike — wish for all to have a safe and quiet, albeit largely immobile (sort of like how the “Fresh Prince” plays defence) holiday.
Stay safe and be well to all.
READ MORE: PCKU picks up first win of the Correlieu floor hockey season
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