Sport not only entertains us with its extraordinary athleticism and drama, but also provides its share of comedic relief.
Every day, someone, somewhere, says something that becomes THE sound byte or quote of the day. This week, hockey fans have been laughing with, and, at Maple Leaf rookie Jake Gardiner, who admitted to TSN he liked teen pop star Justin Bieber.
Gardiner did say he would never ask dressing room sound system policeman Dion Phaneuf to play any of the Biebs’ music. Phaneuf apparently loves The Tragically Hip.
Here’s a collection of great sports quotes from 2011 from around the world, intertwined with a few of the best quotes of all time:
“I’m the Charlie Sheen of baseball, without drugs and a prostitute,” Ozzie Guillen, manager of the Chicago White Sox.
“My son told me a man was making fun of Uncle Danny and me on TV. I said that can’t be true because that’s what usually happens in kindergarten.” – Henrik Sedin of the Canucks, after NBC’s Mike Milbury referred to he and brother Daniel as “Thelma and Louise,” on June 10.
“I’m really going to miss the free throws.” – NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal, during his retirement announcement, June 3.
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” boxer Muhammad Ali.
“Everything sucks in my life right now to be honest with you.” – Red Sox pitcher John Lackey, after he fell to 2-5 with an 8.01 ERA after a horrid outing against the Blue Jays, and a bad start to the season, coupled with problems in his marriage, had him at wit’s end.
“Start drinking early. Get nice and rowdy. It’s a 4:15 game, a lot of time to get lubed up. Come out here, and cheer for the home team.” – Tom Brady, after the Patriots’ QB was asked if he had a message for the Gillette Stadium fans who would be attending the home opener vs the Chargers.
“He meant ‘stay hydrated, drink a lot of water. Be loud, drink responsibly.’” – Patriots’ spokesman Stacey James, trying to soften the impact of Brady’s “get lubed up” comment which he knew the media would pounce on.
“I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.” boxer Rocky Graziano.
“I think I would vote for a ring. I mean, I’m a man. I don’t know how I’d feel about a bracelet.” – Dirk Nowitzki, NBA Finals MVP, upon hearing that Dallas owner Mark Cuban was considering giving the champion Mavericks something other than rings.
“It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” – baseball slugger Hank Aaron.
The Cincinnati Reds’ star second baseman Brandon Phllips surprised a fan by showing up at his game this year. “I said, ‘Let me think about this,’ His game was at 6:15. When I got finished eating, it was like 6:10 and I thought, well shoot, I’m going to go to his game. I had nothing else to do. I thought, ‘Let me go out and support the little man.’ I went out there and he had a great game. I met all his teammates. I met everybody in the park. It was fun. I had a great time.”
“I always tell kids, you have two eyes and one mouth. Keep two open and one closed. You never learn anything if you’re the one talking.” – Hockey Hall of Famer Gordie Howe.
“I think luck falls not on just the brave but also on the ones who believe they belong there,” – world No. 1 ranked tennis star Novak Djokovic about his incredible year and how he re-focused mentally.
“He’s so calm and cool, he could have played with a cigarette in his mouth.” – Kevin Bieksa, Vancouver d-man, on rookie Chris Tanev’s play in the Canucks’ Game 5 Stanley Cup finals victory.
“It’s two weeks late, just like my game,” the sometimes embattled and always interesting Canuck goaltender Roberto Luongo, on his new helmet, after an early-season bad start.
“Spinks doesn’t need a weigh-in. He needs a way out.” – comedian Jackie Mason, perhaps best forecasting the Mike Tyson–Michael Spinks fight.
“This year, I’d like to steal a team plane.” – San Fran Giants’ reliever Greg Minton on his goals before the 1983 season.
“In my head I am the strongest of all. I certainly don’t need the Balloon d’Or to prove that I am No. 1,” AC Milan forward Zlatan Ibrahimovic, after not making the short list for the prestigious FIFA award.
“How hard is it going to be to become world champion when you’re beating up math teachers?” – Chael Sonnen, UFC fighter, on whether or not fellow fighter Anderson Silva is ducking him.
“I like ice hockey because people who play ice hockey are the kind of people who pick up hitchikers,” U2 lead singer Bono, after being picked up in a Vancouver rainstorm by Gilbert Brule of the Edmonton Oilers.
“It’s a personal item.” Tampa Bay Rays’ third baseman Evan Longoria on an AK-47 assault rifle he had stolen in a break-in at his home.
“Sammy (Pollock) sent me down on a 24-hour recall, but he must of meant 24 years because he hasn’t called me yet.” – Nanaimo Clippers’ coach Larry McNabb, on life in the AHL and being property of the Montreal Canadiens, in a 1985 interview.
