Foster care is not about fixing the child, say Victoria residents Leo and Karyn Cooper, it is about providing love and support.
It is a big misconception that people who want to be foster parents often have, they said, and one that can be detrimental to both themselves and the child.
“We just provide a safe home, a warm bed, some food, and we’ll turn it around with a little bit of love. It’s not always easy, but that is what it takes,” Leo said.
The couple have been providing love and support to children in need for 15 years, they said, with plenty of highlights and challenges.
“We’ve had kids that have come in a physical disability, and then we watched one walk across the stage and get on the honour roll,” she said.
It was a very proud moment for the family that brought a fair amount of tears for how far their children have come. The Coopers prioritize ensuring the foster children in their family are precisely that: part of the family.
“Even when they enter adulthood, they do not disconnect from us, but they have those additional connections alongside their biological family,” Karyn said.
Working alongside the child’s biological family is also essential, as it strengthens the cultural background of the kid, they said.
“The biological families and ours are all one big unit.”
Fostering teenagers is not a one-size-fits-all approach and will require different planning for various children, as everyone is unique, he said.
“Everything is person-centred planning in our house, and the kids respect that,” Karyn said.
Some have gone to college and gotten degrees, and some have just narrowly avoided going to jail, she said. These are massive accomplishments that make the Coopers feel proud.
A stable house is one of the most important things a family like the Coopers can provide to the children who come to live with them, they say.
Foster Family Month is celebrated in October to honour families like the Coopers who provide care, according to Dan Malone, executive director of Foster Parent Support Services Society, which is located right in Langford.
There is a desperate need for more families to provide care, Malone said, as some long-serving people are retiring.
The province has also increased the amount of money these families receive, but the money is not why people offer care, he said.
“That is the biggest myth. It is not about the money. It is about providing love and support,” said Malone.
An increase in compensation given to families who foster children will help to cover the associated costs of caring for young people, said B.C. Minister of Children and Family Development Mitzi Dean.
The increase was the second boost for families that the provincial government has given in just 10 years, said Dean.
“All too often, the work of all caregivers is not given the respect or compensation that it deserves,” she said.
Payments for families increased for people caring for a child 11 years and under from $450 a month to $1,465 per child, and children from 12 to 19 years old saw a rise from $513 to $1,655.
The increase was part of the provincial government’s 2023 budget, and the first boost was in 2019.
Foster caregiving takes time, effort and patience, said Dean, but what matters the most is people who want to make a difference in a child’s life.
“Everyone, including foster parents, wants to build a world where more young people can remain safely with family and community.”
The goal of foster care is to reunite the children with their biological families eventually, but this does not always happen, said the Coopers.
“We’re in a unique situation. The youth we get into our home already know they’re not going back,” Karyn said.
“They are a part of our family now.”
It has been a gratifying and sometimes challenging experience, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives, they say.
The Coopers have seen foster families get burned out when providing care, and the most significant piece of advice they can give is not to do it alone.
“I find that some foster parents forget to take care of themselves, and when they forget to do that, they’re fostering in isolation,” she said.
Organizations such as Foster Parent Support Services Society provide plenty of services, said the Coopers, and new foster families should take advantage of what’s on offer.
“Sometimes, we have a foster family night to relax. We might all go to a movie, or we might all do scrap-booking or card-making. We try to have a fun evening,” Karyn said.
The Coopers have personally experienced the positive impact of fostering and see the long-term benefits these children have with having a stable home.
“The girl who walked across the stage to get her degree – she now has her kids,” Karyn said.
